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On Harrison Ford. And writing.

March 13, 2023 By danabowmancreative Leave a Comment

2023 Writer’s Retreat: Done.

The theme? Get a whole lot of writing accomplished in as little time as possible.

The reality? Find Harrison Ford.

Ok, let me explain.

I have been retreating to Wichita, Kansas for a few years now. The first time I did this, I had a book deadline, and my babies were young, and I was finding it difficult to make the deadline because babies mess with you. Now, I have a teenager and one on the way (he’s twelve), and they can feed themselves. I no longer have to leave a list for the husband with things like, “COULD YOU PLEASE NOT FORGET TO GET THEM LUNCH” on it.

In fact, this time? The only list I left was a reminder to leave out kibble for our cat, Bob, which shows you how priorities change as children grow, but my husband’s hatred of cats remains the same.

Twenty-four hours before I retreated, however, I found out some really important information:

Harrison Ford was in Wichita.

It seems that Harrison flies planes, because of course he does, and he comes through Wichita kind of regularly to have his plane serviced. I know I’m writing all calmly about this but what really needs to be made VERY clear is that HE WOULD BE WITHIN MY REACH.

In fact, the night before I left, I was lying in bed with the Secondary Husband (demoted recently because Harrison, which I think Brian was actually kind of ok with because marriage to me is a long road and when Han Solo is involved he is a gentleman and bows out). We were talking about Harrison Ford, which is what I had been talking about for some hours now, and I said, in wonderment, “Do you know? I am an hour away from Harrison Ford right now.”

Reader, I am writing this to you on the fourth and final day of my writer’s retreat.

And alas I did not find Harrison Ford.

A good writer would have built suspense here. Suspense if figurative language that builds stakes in your writing and makes it cool. But I am a bit broken hearted and really low on sleep, and sadness makes me forget to use that stuff.

However, what I did find instead:

  1. A really great tea house where they brought me multiple pots of Earl Grey with lots of lemon and gobs of honey and it was heavenly.
  2. Momentum.

I stayed in a tiny house with a tiny little bed because I’ve always wanted to stay in a tiny house. Incidentally, you know what I discovered about myself? I no longer want to stay in a tiny house. Tiny houses are FREAKING SMALL.

But I wrote. I wrote there, in my tiny little bed with Doc Martin playing in the background because Brits make great company. I wrote until very late at night. I woke up early, and thought about what I wrote and how to add to it. And what I should write next. Then, I would unwedge myself from my tiny dwelling, and I wrote at coffee houses and the Early Gray place. The Early Gray place also had macarons, a necessary writing supplement.

I made lists about writing things. I edited. I brainstormed on big yellow pads of paper. I stared off into space and then clattered away at my keyboard.

For three and a half days, uninterrupted except for one quick trip to a vintage clothing shop for necessities, I wrote my face off.

Ok, not literally. “Writing my face off” is hyperbole, which is figurative language that sadness never has yet been able to pry from my grip. Hyperbole and I are *crosses fingers* like this.

(We can talk about personification another time.)

Also: I found this coffee house dog who massively helped my mental state:

He is my muse.

And so, I found momentum and ideas and I finally, FINALLY queried three agents. I might have accidentally sent the first agent (Day 1: 12:57 am) the wrong draft of a sample chapter, so that ship has sailed, but I DID IT.

Nothing, very likely, will happen with any of these queries. But the momentum, and feeling a bit glorious about it all, is there. Which is what a writer’s retreat is all about.

I think Harrison would be proud.

Filed Under: cats, creativity, depression and anxiety, mental health, parenting, recovery, sober mom, sobriety, wellness, women in recovery, writing Tagged With: am querying, coffee, coffee house dog, dogs, finding an agent, harrison ford, querying agents, writer mom, writers retreat, writing a book, writing community, writing inspiration

Here you go: My Annual Top Ten Thankfuls!

November 24, 2022 By danabowmancreative 3 Comments

I don’t really remember how long this tradition goes back in my blog. I know I’ve been posting my thankfuls wayyyy back on Momsie (the blog that started it all). Here’s one that I wrote the PROVES BRIAN AND I ARE STILL MARRIED , which was an exciting read. Also, there’s lots of badly lit pictures of Steve on that post, so there you go. Biggie Meows ALWAYS was on my thankful list, and yes I still miss him.

And as one who really understands the concept of gratitude (being in recovery is an automatic pass into Land Of The Super Grateful because we can’t help ourselves. We’ve made it out alive, after all. Not everybody gets to be so lucky) I LOVE to post my Top Ten Thankfuls. It just makes me happy.

So away we go:

10. New opportunities. I am currently working on getting certified to become a book coach with these folks. The program is a LOT. Like, I think it will take me about six months if not longer to get there. There’s homework. My sons and I work together now, muttering and typing (why do muttering and typing always seem to go together?) But the program is exciting as it is rigorous, and as a writing instructor AND a writer, I think it will be a perfect fit.

9. Running. I’ve been running at least three times a week now. I started out walking every other block, and now I am able to run it all. πŸ™‚ I’m proud of myself for this. Last year, I had pretty much decided running was no longer possible, but I really missed it. I missed the feeling of my feet on the pavement, and that glorious and painful sprint at the end. I missed the cold mornings. So, look at me, running again. It’s a flipping miracle. Also, on the days that my run feels like I’m jogging through peanut butter I’m going to go back and read this post to, uh, adjust my attitude. I think that should be a new hashtag, btw. #peanutbutterrun

8. Um… my health? I don’t know how to sum this up, but this past year health-wise has been, to say the least, challenging. Hearing issues have been a big problem. I have tinnitus, and so my ears are always doing this weird shrieky thing (Have you seen Dumb and Dumber? The most annoying sound in the world? Yea, that. (By the way, I have actually never seen Dumb and Dumber in its entirety. My husband, however, has seen it multiple times. This pretty much sums up our marriage.) And then there’s menopause, where your hormones attack you and make you feel crazy about it. At one point, about 8 months ago, I wondered if this was just it. If I was going to feel like crud forever. Guess what? I am indeed not going to feel like crud forever! I am crud-free about 75% of the time! It’s fabulous!

7. Steve. There, I said it again. I’m grateful for him, and how much I loved him, and that my eyes still tear up pretty much anytime I think about him. I am grateful I loved my big boi so much. He was my furry muse.

Biggy Paws

6. And so… Rey.

She’s trying very hard to come in between me and my laptop.

Rey has been a great comfort to me while I grieve for Sir Meows a Lot. She comes over and presses herself up against me, and then tries to crawl in my lap which is awkward because the girl can take up SPACE. I admire her confidence. I always imagine she’s just sort of softly muttering as she attempts the lap-sneak, all “Pardon me… say… I might sit… don’t mind me I’m just gonna.., yes, HERE we go… oopsie, ok, just gonna squeeze through while I… ” and voila! Really uncomfortable cuddles! Watch this vid to get a glimpse of it in action. It is a thing of beauty.

5. My husband.

Also, he’s tall.

His name is Brian and he is often mentioned here. I wrote pages and pages about him in both my books. He’s a never-ending fountain of somewhat annoying but well-loved material. When I did stand-up last summer, 99.8 % of my material was under the heading: WHY. HE KEEPS DOING THIS and it was a hit. The best part is he sat there during the set and laughed too. That’s because he is generous and loving and has a lot of patience, which come to find out is shockingly necessary when you’re married to me.

4. It seems rather like I should put my sons in here too. Right? Right.

My fourteen-year old is now as tall as I am, and he is learning to drive. While this is occuring (the driving not the height), and I have the misfortune of actually being in the car with him at the same time, I have learned to practice deep-breathing and what I like to call “Shrieky-whisper-prayer-driving.” Charlie is smart and focused and will probably run a large corporation one day because his absolute passion in life is telling other people what to do. So, go forth and boss people around, my son. I adore you.

My twelve-year old, Henry, smiles and winks at me about 67% of the time as he gets out of the car to go to school. He is also smart and driven and won’t ever run a large corporation because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. He dreams of making it into the Air Force and flying planes. Without hurting anyone’s feelings. He has the attention span of a a very nice squirrel toddler on crack, but I forgive him because also he really loves my cooking. I adore you.

3. Sayings like: It’s always darkest before the dawn.

What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger.

We’re gonna keep on, keep on, keep on, keep on dancing all through the night.
We’re gonna keep on, keep on, keep on doing it right
(Ok, I stole that from the Brady Bunch).

If this year had been a motivational poster, I’m the kitten.

I mean… I guess there are worse things.

Who else had this poster ?? My sister had it on her wall πŸ™‚

Here’s the thing. It is actually pretty dark before the dawn. But then, WHAMMMO. Dawn happens. Like every day.

And, I am strong. I was doing a plank earlier and Rey came and laid ON me (Again with the “lemme just… pardon me… I’m just going to sit right on here… “) so I’m basically ready for an Ironman.

And there has been some grooving in my life lately. A lot in fact. I can’t help it. I just can’t help it.

2. Yellow Converse.

Through the magic of Tiktok (something I thought I would never hear myself say, tbh) I have found funky, colorful, creative women who thrift weird art and like to play around with clothes. Sometimes they even pair (*gasp) plaids with stripes. The whole #wearwhatyoulove thing is a hashtag I can get behind. It started when I had to get more headshots for speaking things, and I decided to bring two pairs of shoes: pointy serious ones or my yellow converse. My photographer asked me, “Which ones make you feel more like you?” Yellow converse it is. It seemed, at the time, an audacious move. But then I asked myself, “What Would Brene Do?” and I wore them. And from there, it’s been a joyride into color and texture and just loving the creativity of it all.


1. Faith. Both in God and in humanity. Perhaps this won’t make sense to some of you. Some might feel like faith is a cliche. Or a speck of something, insignificant or annoying. Some might thing also that humanity has been circling the Great Toilet Bowl of Life for a while now (social media really has a handle on that and I really do hope you saw what I did there). I completely agree. As one who has found my faith shooketh all over the place in the past year, which also, not so very coincidentally, cracked open my Pollyanna-ish views of people in high places… it’s been a lot. It’s been hard. I have been frustrated and overwhelmed and at one point, I just told God I was mad at him and I wanted to break up. I’d been duped. I didn’t sign up for this. I wanted my flannel-graph Jesus back.

But, Jesus persisted. In his most human and godlike form (no flannel unless hipster Jesus?), he sat with me through it all. And then he walked with me, read with me, prayed with me. He didn’t give up on me. I’m not going to give up on him.

Besides. He helped me get sober and for that I owe him my life. Just my life. Nothing more.

So, there you go! My Top Ten Thankfuls. I would like to add one more as a bonus. It’s my blog and I can do what I want:

You. I am grateful for you, my dear reader. You are such a blessing to me.

Have a very Happy Thanksgiving and remember:

#eatdessertfirst

Waddle on, my sober friends. I am grateful for you. You know who you are πŸ™‚

Filed Under: cats, creativity, depression and anxiety, mental health, parenting, podcast, recovery, sober mom, wellness, women in recovery, writing Tagged With: cats, family, funny, gratitude, humor, love, marriage, menopause, menopause help, pets, runner, sober mom, sober runner, sober speaker, thankful, thanksgiving day, the loss of a pet, top ten thankfuls

Grieving a Career

September 20, 2022 By danabowmancreative 2 Comments

So, just so you know, I still miss Steve.

But also? I have also been grieving my career lately, but that’s not nearly as tangible as missing a large, white, purring behemoth of love. However, I figured out, just this morning, that for me the two are kind of connected.

Let me explain.

Here is a quick recap of Dana’s writing life: It actually became a career and then also turned into a speaking thing, and then Covid changed everything, and I decided to leave my publisher, and now… I did stand-up and am occasionally writing articles AND I FINALLY FINISHED THE PROPOSAL, DESPITE MY BRAIN.

Which, in writer-speak means this:

So, none of this seems… grieve-y. Right? These are all good things! These are natural progressions of a writing life! It’s not a big deal!!

But there is some real sadness there too. It feels an awful lot grief. And fear. Mixed together.

So… grear?

You get the idea.

I know I tend to bring Steve into all the things these days, but it’s my blog and I can do what I want. Here’s the deal: I cannot, honestly, see a life without Steve. I realize that makes it sound like he was just my everything and more ‘wind beneath my wingsy’ stuff, but that’s not really what I mean (although it’s up for debate). What I mean is: He provided comfort. Routine. He was ever-present. He was just… with me. He was a comfort-cat. My family? Yes, they are my comfort people and I love them MORE than STEVE, ok? But they also come with needing things and questions and confrontation and talking (so much talking) and with Steve? There was no ask. Just furry being.

And an occasional catnip fix. He wasn’t purrfect.

Come to find out, I kind of regarded my writing success the same way. I had a publisher approach me for my books, for pete’s sake. No agent. Just total pot-o-gold rainbow writing stuff. And The TODAY show CAME TO MY HOUSE (this was not pot-o-gold really it was more like pot-o-anxiety but you know).

And now? I am sending my proposal forth, and starting a whole new blog, and doing STAND UP which is so NOT what I ever ever saw coming. Folks, I realllllly like to see things coming. I plan all the things. I make lists FOR my lists. When I die, Jesus and I are going to have a coffee-date at Kingdom Depot, mainly in the aisle with all the cute planners and washi tape. And yes, that means I am going to PLAN heaven. Don’t judge me.

Along with all the creative new things, there came this uneasy feeling of sadness. I should have expected it, I guess. My new stuff was not offering up the comfort and validation of what I knew before. I’m not even writing the same genre anymore. I’m attempting fiction instead of memoir, which, of course, has a huge learning curve. And this sadness glommed onto all sorts of looming questions: How am I going to manage this? What if it doesn’t work? What if nobody cares?

What if I fail?

That’s a lot of looming.

Because of this, I have mini meltdowns, and I just long for easy. Or to just quit and follow a career path in interpretive dance.

I grieve it.

What does one do with all this? Well, the next logical step for me was to yell at myself. This grief thing? It seems so ungrateful. And negative. And just dumb. Just CARRY ON, Dana.

Yea. Yelling at me to be less me doesn’t work either.

What does work? I lean into story and write a blog post about what I’m feeling. And then hope that it connects with someone. This process is called “Help I’m Sad and Maybe You Have Felt This Way Too-itiveness?” and it has an 97% success rate. I know enough from my 12 step meetings that when we share the grief (however big or small) it helps. So thanks for helping me grieve a bit today, and then hit “publish” and then… go off and do some new things and carry on.

Oh, and also? Did you notice that for me grieving sent me back to my old pattern of blogging? I hadn’t blogged for ages, (I see you, Momsie) and when all this new comfort-zone blasting occured, I thought: “Huh. Maybe I should blog again.” And it has helped. SO much. So, maybe grief is helped by leaning on past things to balance out the future things. Like, when my brother died and I took his old stand-mixer, and anytime I use it I think of him? That kinda thing.

Does this kind of career-grief make sense to you? Or life-change grief? I keep thinking this is sort of what it was like when I got married and moved across the state. It was wonderful. A whole new life with my sweet babboo.

But there was actually some grief there too for my old life, ya know?

Thanks for listening my friends. If you are inclined – share, share away. And keep a lookout for the Pie and Coffee newsletter, where I give specific tips on how to navigate career grief.

Also, would you please consider sharing my newsletter or blog with someone who might need to hear it? There’s all sorts of folks out there who are dealing with stucked-ness (again, super technical term) who might benefit from a creative reset. I would be forever grateful.

And now, keep calm and create on.

Filed Under: cats, creativity, depression and anxiety, mental health, parenting, recovery, sober mom, sobriety, wellness, women in recovery, writing Tagged With: grief, grieving a career, speaking career, standup comedy, writing a book proposal, writing fiction, writing life

Wine and Writing Don’t Mix

September 13, 2022 By danabowmancreative 4 Comments

Ever since I was a kid, I wanted to be a writer. The story of me and a very large, clunky Remington typewriter is on my first blog, Momsie – the blog where I wrote about momhood, babies, husbands, and pets (Steve. I wrote about Steve). Click on the image below for a blog post from Momsie about Steve’s squeak-purr:

https://momsieblog.com/2017/02/17/weak/

I remember when I first started Momsie – I told my friend Christy that “everyone and their dog has a blog” – but she convinced me that dogs were not really my demographic and that I just needed to focus on Steve because he was a total cash cow.* Thus, Momsie was born.

It was a relief to write. It was easy. The stories were just so plentiful. My kids were great material; they were so cute**, and I could throw my words out there and offer up some laughter for the four or five folks who actually read me.

But also, Momsie was born out of a very real desperation (in my recovery circles some would call it the “gift of desperation”) to handle my new sobriety. I needed something to do. I needed someone to be. The blog saved me. It took my poor, mushy brain that was slowly starting to un-mush (medical terms are my thing) and it soothed it.

At camp, when you take the crumpled old t-shirt that your mom reminded you last minute to toss into the bottom of your backpack, and you rubberband the living daylights out of it and toss it in dye? That’s writing. (Notice how well I’m explaining this? #Pulitzer).

I mean – you have this rumpled, frayed thing, and then you twist it, fiddle with it, not really sure what you’re doing at all or where you’re going with it… And then the dye starts to seep in, slowly, all crazy and winding with rivulets and tributaries of saturation. And the end result? It’s a cacophony of color.

If you haven’t gathered, I totally have all my 70’s tie dye shirts still. They’re stretchy crop tops now, but that’s in style. #influencer

No, I’m not wearing the t-shirts/crop tops anymore. One did fit Steve, but he was so mortified that I forgot to take pictures and this is a tragedy so breathtaking I need to stop writing about it right here.

With Momsie, I wrote because the words just kinda came out of my fingers. My husband bought me a used laptop for my birthday, and then I had someplace mobile for the words to go. I could write at the park. I could write in bed. I could write while Red was trying to learn to use the potty and I had to sit outside the bathroom for hours until my butt fell asleep and I would end up eating all the bribery M and M’s. Pain is a great motivator for writing.

And Momsie was born, and grew and thrived. The rest was history.

Well, no. Actually, it’s not history – it’s my life right now. The words still have to come out of me pretty much every day or my brain goes all wonky. The colors must out, as it were.

There were a bunch of articles that came out in the early 2000’s about how alcohol was good for creativity. This was paired along with the whole “red wine is good for your heart” thing, which was soooooo my thing back when I was drinking. Lookit. I’m drinking four glasses of red wine! YOU KNOW, CUZ IT’S GOOD FOR MY HEART.

Yea. Turns out, the heart thing is not true.

And the whole, “artists need alcohol to create” thing? It’s total crapola.

Our muse is not a bottle. It’s in us.

My colors are completely Dana-Generated. I don’t use anything outside of myself and my own experiences for their saturation. This is what works best for me. Dana-generated colors cause a daily bloom of gratitude. It’s the ultimate “look what I made!” – every day.

Thanks for the listen, and, as always, I’m grateful for you, my dear readers.

Where are the colors in your life?


*cashcat

* *They are still cute.

Filed Under: cats, creativity, depression and anxiety, mental health, parenting, recovery, sober mom, sobriety, wellness, women in recovery, writing Tagged With: alcohol does not help your heart, creative recovery, creativity, funny, funny parenting, heart health, moms, parenting

This is marriage. Episode #228485

September 5, 2022 By danabowmancreative Leave a Comment

Marriage, ya’ll. It’s a rush, right?

Brian and I have been married now for… a while. I always say we’ve been married for about ten years or so. Brian tells me it’s 16 because math wins, but to me, ten is a nice, round number that sticks with you.

Also, I tend to still think 1990 is like, ten, twelve? Ish? Years ago?? Right????

You get the idea.

This year, our wedding anniversary landed on the world’s hottest day because I am a teacher, and so we had to get married (16 years ago) in July. As all teachers do. And we celebrated it by me doing standup where I roasted Brian for my entire set, and he affably laughed throughout.

Here’s a wedding day picture (from 16 years ago). Brian was totally sunburnt because he went golfing the day prior with his friends while I was running around like crazy trying to make sure we had a wedding. As is the way.

Also I am really fixated on the ceiling?

Initially, for my stand up routine, I had written up a 20 minute set about Steve, the amazing recovery cat. Steve was always a solid source of material as he was a really, really solid cat. Literally. But, you know, Steve is happily lying in the sun somewhere up in heaven and don’t you dare email me about my theology. Cats go to heaven.

Or at least Steve did because he was divine.

Ok, I’ll stop with the puns about Biggie Meows. I really loved that cat though. You know that.

As it is Labor Day weekend, I have spent a large part of it laboring on our house (Laundry. Why is there so much laundry) and trying not to resent the family for it. I work from home which means I try to write and then do laundry in between. But this morning? I actually just made a long list of chores for the boys and left the house. I am currently sipping cold brew and, as always, working on the BIG BOOK PROPOSAL which I swear is almost done.

But the best thing? I gave the husband a kiss and had this conversation:

Me: The boys have a list. Can you make sure they get it done? And by done, like… they do it properly? I’m pretty sure Blonde’s version of mopping the kitchen doesn’t even involve water. Maybe he just hopes it clean, like a mop fairy. *claps hands a la Tinkerbell*

Brian: *totally misses Tinkerbell thing but oh well* Sure. You go write.

He might not be very adept at his Disney metaphors but he is supportive. I make very little cashola in the writing field, folks. I have, like, 7 followers. My “platform” is wobbly and I post funny things on the Tiktoks because they make ME laugh. So, in sum: I am not a big money-maker. Thankfully, I’m pretty sure this was not why Brian married me. As I was a high school English teacher when we met, Brian knew I wasn’t going to be raking in the dough.

But… sometimes this bothers me.

I don’t… contribute, you know? Or, at least I allow the bitchy accountant in my head to try to convince me of this, occasionally.

And then I remember that I am a mom and I contribute a whole heck of a lot to our family, to our lives, and I know that. I KNOW that. But it just is so very nice to have a supportive partner who says things like, “Sure. You go write” no matter what. He has told me that I am talented and funny and once when he was reading one of my articles he even chuckled under his breath which was the biggest compliment ever. If you are a writer, you know the total joy of hearing someone chuckle while they read your stuff. Unless, of course, you write just totally serious or sad stuff. I don’t know what to tell you then.

But I’m a funny lady and I write funny stuff. That chuckle kept me going for days. And I have used the word “stuff” way too many times here. #pulitzer.

BTW: Here is Brian dressed as Joseph-with-glasses for our Christmas church pageant thing. They asked him to be Joseph because he has a beard. But, when I think Joseph, I think Brian. He’s very spiritual.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that may you have a such a person in your life.

We all deserve a Brian.

Filed Under: cats, creativity, parenting, sober mom, writing Tagged With: anniversary, creative help, creative partner, funny, funny mom, humor, love, marriage, parents, partner, relationships, romance, stand up comedy, supportive partner, wedding

Steve the Sobriety Cat

August 29, 2022 By danabowmancreative 1 Comment

So, Steve died three weeks ago.

And I’m not gonna say “he passed” or “we lost him” because, well, he died and it was just awful.

Is it fair to say that Steve was my soulmate? Perhaps. When I talk this way about him to my husband, Brian gets a bit blinky and tends to sort of clam up, but I think Brian’s OK with it. I have used other terms about Steve around Brian – words like, “he is my everything” and “he’s the wind beneath my wings” and so far Brian has been good about it. I mean, let’s face it, Brian has to be good about it right now because Steve just died, and arguing with me about my grief and affection for the Biggie Paws would a big fat marital no-no.

I miss my sweet Steve so much. I really do. I just have to say it.

I have written about Steve a lot. He has an entire chapter dedicated to him in my first book, Bottled – because Steve helped me get sober. YES he did and don’t argue. If you are in recovery, and you have a sobriety pet, THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE.

In fact, if you look closely, this website has a whole page dedicated to the deliciousness that was Sir Meows A Lot.

My heart is still grieving and I think it will always. He was just that good of a cat. So, in the style of Judith Viorst (she’s one of my favorite authors ever) – here is:

The Tenth Good Thing About Steve

  1. Steve was a weighted blanket. Anxious? He’d clamber up on you, purring, and weigh you down with girth and love.
  2. Steve had a really big head. And body. All of him, actually. But petting his large, soft noggin was… substantial. Yes, there will be numerous points here that will mention his circumference.
  3. In the morning, when I would head downstairs to get my coffee, my two dogs and Steve would all thump downstairs too. I used to think of it as the “Running of the Pets.” It made a lot of noise and there was some jostling. But Steve always managed to be first. Watching his large white haunches hustle down those stairs always made me smile. Steve did love his brekkie.
  4. You could actually hear Steve jump down from a bed or a perch upstairs if someone was at the door. He was loud. He made himself known. And he needed to say hello.
  5. Steve had a deep love for anyone who had a cat allergy. He would lay on this person (or try to) and look up at him with adoration. “I will change you,” his eyes would say. “Shhhhhhhh, my love. Allergies, shmallergies.” I always kind of judged the ones who would manage to shoo him away (Steve was persistent – usually three attempts were made). Steve and I would make eye contact and I would give a tiny nod. That person was now dead to us.
  6. Steve did not give any f–cks. Ever. About anything.
  7. When Steve was sick a few years ago (he had surgery – it was a lot) I slept with him in the bathroom one night because I didn’t want him to be alone. At one point he reached out his paw and just set it on my face, and I knew he appreciated the company.
  8. Steve often would crawl up on Brian at night. Brian, a man who often has refereed to cats as *rats with more fur* would be hypnotized by Steve’s slow blinks and succumb to scritching him behind his ears for as long as Steve graced him with his presence. If Steve was a cult, then sign me up.
  9. If anyone was ever crying in our house, Steve would show up and slowly climb up on him (Or her. Me, ok? It was often me). His warmth made it better of course, but also his look of, “Brah, why you crying? I am here. It’s chill dude. Life is hard but I am soft.” He was, as I have referred to in my book, the Jeff Spicoli of cats.
I see a resemblance don’t you?

And 10. Steve was, as all pets are, generous with his love, his time, and his softness. All he wanted was food, cuddles, and a sunny spot to sleep, and I shall miss him every day.


*To clarify – my husband is not a monster. Also, rats actually make great pets.

Life is hard. Steve was soft. May we all have a Steve.

Filed Under: cats, creativity, depression and anxiety, mental health, parenting, recovery, sober mom, sobriety, wellness, women in recovery, writing Tagged With: emotional support, emotional support pet, pets, sober mom, sobriety pet

Safe places

August 9, 2022 By danabowmancreative 2 Comments

Welcome to my brain. It’s a little weird in here, but also very kitschy. It’s a New Girl episode where they’re all a lot older and less drinkie. I’d watch it.

Also, my brain today is back in a safe place, so it’s humming with ideas.

I long for spaces that match my insides. If you are a literal person, like my 13-year-old son (aka “the lawyer”), that kind of statement is followed by an “Ew, MOM.”

But I bet some of you understand. I long for spaces that allow me to take a deep breath in, and then out, and feel all *equally pressurized.

Here are some spaces that do NOT help me to feel all equally pressurized:

  1. The vet. More on this later, but I have had wayyyy too many visits to our local vet lately (they are wonderful and lovely and lovING, but still, no no, not my safe place).
  2. That one place in Walmart towards the back where that guy in the red button-down is trying to sell you new cell phone service and NO MATTER how much you focus your eyes straight ahead, he still manages to sidle up and you have to do that awkward slow-walk, but you’re also still moving to show him you have places to BE in the Walmart, and no you don’t need a new cell, but also you don’t want to be mean because he’s just trying to make a living? That place.
  3. Actually, all of Walmart, really.
  4. Any school supplies aisle right now. Even in Target, where the cool school supplies hang out.

Places that help me to feel safe? Well, here’s one of them:

Nice product placement, Dana. Shameless plug.

You might recognize this coffee house – I was here a few weeks ago for my solo writer’s retreat. I’m back just for a few hours of writing.

It’s safe here. My insides match my outsides here.

Other safe places:

  • My front porch
  • The dinner table unless there is a casserole involved. Casseroles are my nemesis.
  • My back stoop, especially if Rey the Good Dog is with me (She’s a leaner. Do any of you have doggos that like to lean on you? It’s very grounding).
  • A church pew
  • Cody, Wyoming (I visited there long ago and I rode a horse named Jumper which was apt. I’m coming back, Jumper. Wait for me).
  • Anyplace accompanied by a good book. I’m reading The Lioness right now and it’s so gooooooood.

These types of places allow me to actively rest. Then, about four minutes later I’ll have a little burst of ideas, which I’ll have to write down (I usually end up texting myself which can be super awkward if I accidentally text Darrel, my pastor. It’s kind of hard to explain a text that says: ANXIETY BIRDS to my pastor. But you know? I’m sure he aimed for understanding. He always does. Especially with me).

Oh, and here’s another safe space: Anywhere Rey naps. Need proof?

VOILA:

I mean, honestly.

Do you have spaces that help you breathe a little easier? Create a little more? Do they help you fill up, overflow, contribute?

I think space is crucial to creativity. And notice? I used this weird term *equally pressurized. I NEVER said my space helps me feel “balanced.” That’s just a term for gymnasts and 20 year olds.

Where are your safe places?

Would you like to get some ideas to help plan your own creative retreat? Click below:

Filed Under: cats, creativity, depression and anxiety, mental health, parenting, recovery, sober mom, sobriety, wellness, women in recovery, writing Tagged With: am writing, am writing fiction, book proposal, creative space, creativity, sober retreat, sober travel, women travel, women writers, writing space

After Silence, better.

July 12, 2022 By danabowmancreative Leave a Comment

One does not intend to disappear. But I did, for months.

There are a few reasons. And, if you are at all familiar with me (it’s been awhile, I know), you know I love lists. So…

A List of Reasons Why I Disappeared:

  1. Uh. Covid.
  2. Covid again.
  3. Depression. Probably b/c Covid.
  4. Menopause. ???
  5. Yea, no, I’m not going to put “???” with “Menopause” like it’s not a thing. It was a THING y’all, and it still is. Mix it liberally w/ #1-3 and it was craptastic.
  6. I left my original publisher, for other reasons that are just my own, and then promptly felt all adrift and lost and didn’t know what to do with myself.

Perhaps this list is similar to a creative list of your own. I mean… #6 might be a bit niche-y. But, have you felt stuck and small and adrift? Well THAT’S BEEN ME FOR A WHILE NOW.

But, in the incandescent words of my muse, Eminem: “Guess who’s back. Back again. Shady’s back. Tell a friend.”

Look. I’ve had a lot of time to sit and ponder. A good portion of my summer was me, literally, lying on my back and pondering the ceiling, as I was so sick that reading, writing, and even Netflix were impossible. It was like I was simply forced to just… be. And be very still. And at first I hated it, and then I hated it some more. And then? I noticed something.

I kept getting ideas.

The reason I am a writer is because I have all these ideas that keep floating up, and then I write about them. But while I was dealing with #1-6 above all my writing stopped. But the ideas? They quietly, flutteringly, floated up at me. They kept coming. And one evening, stuck in my sick room, just me and my ceiling, frustrated and sad about it all – I started to cry and as the tears slipped down my face (gravity) to pool into my ears (you know you’ve had this happen) and I had an idea: Tears are ways to stopper up sound. And sometimes silence is good. Total stops are good. Being STILL is good.

It was both an idea and medicine at the same time.

That idea and all the others that would gently float by me – they gave me hope. And I recorded some of them (I texted myself or wrote them down in on a notebook, as one does when one is a Writer) and I realized two things:

  1. I still have ideas and God kept them coming even in my darkest hour. Maybe even because of my darkest hour.
  2. In the incandescent words of my muse that old guy in Monty Python? I’M NOT DEAD YET.

Thanks for listening, folks. Keep listening, if you want, to hear more about creativity, our brains, and how we must value our creative selves if we want to survive this world.

I’m honored to have ye.

Oh! And actually? I did a bit of shopping while I was prone, and I bought this. It was a crucial purchase.

Filed Under: cats, creativity, depression and anxiety, mental health, parenting, recovery, sober mom, sobriety, Uncategorized, wellness, women in recovery, writing Tagged With: cats, covid, menopause, this is 50

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